Emotional Intelligence: Why It Matters (Even) at School

In Brief

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise, understand and manage your own emotions and those of others. It isn't a topic "for adults" only: it's what allows a student not to give up in front of a hard problem, to manage anxiety before a test, to get back up after a bad grade. It's a skill that can be trained — and one that weighs more heavily at school than people think.

What Emotional Intelligence Is

The concept was introduced by psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990 and made famous by Daniel Goleman with his 1995 book Emotional Intelligence. Goleman describes five components:

• Self-awareness: recognising your emotions as you feel them.
• Self-regulation: managing impulses instead of being swept away by them.
• Motivation: pursuing a goal even when it's hard work.
• Empathy: understanding how others feel.
• Social skills: building and maintaining good relationships.

These are abilities no one possesses "by nature" once and for all: they develop with experience and with the example of the adults around us.

Why It Matters at School

Studying isn't only a matter of logical intelligence or memory. A vast meta-analysis published in 2020 in the journal Psychological Bulletin (MacCann and colleagues), gathering over 150 studies, found that emotional intelligence is among the best predictors of academic performance — after general intelligence and conscientiousness.

The reason is intuitive: a student who can manage their emotions stays focused for longer, doesn't freeze at the first mistake and faces tests with more clarity. Those who let themselves be overwhelmed by frustration or anxiety perform well below their potential, even when they've studied.

The Emotions That Come Into Play in Studying

There are precise moments when emotional intelligence makes the difference:

• Faced with a hard problem. Frustration can push you to give up ("I'm not cut out for this") or become the signal that a different approach is needed. Recognising it is the first step to not letting it stop you.
• Before a test. A bit of tension is normal and useful; it becomes a problem when it paralyses. Managing anxiety — through preparation and a few breathing techniques — is an emotional skill in every respect.
• After a bad grade. The reaction matters more than the grade itself: those who read a mistake as information ("where did I go wrong?") learn; those who experience it as a condemnation lose motivation.
• In everyday motivation. Studying consistently means delaying gratification: a mature form of self-regulation.

How to Help Young People Develop It

Emotional intelligence is nurtured above all by example and by a few concrete habits:

• Name the emotions. Helping your child say "I'm anxious" or "I got angry because I didn't understand" is already half the work: what you name, you manage better.
• Treat mistakes as information, not as failures. It's the most effective way to lower the fear of getting things wrong, which is the real brake on learning.
• Praise effort and strategy, not talent. "You found a good method" builds confidence; "you're a genius" creates the anxiety of having to prove it.
• Teach stress management. A few slow breaths before a test, a good night's sleep beforehand and concrete preparation are worth more than any generic reassurance.
• Listen properly. Before offering solutions, let your child tell you how they feel: it's the model of empathy they'll learn from.

For a broader view of supporting studying, you'll find practical ideas in the guide on how to support your child's academic success.

The Role of Parents and Tutors

Emotional skills are passed on above all within the family, through the way adults handle their own frustrations. But a good tutor also makes a big difference: as well as explaining the subject, they help the student rebuild confidence after a run of setbacks — often the biggest obstacle isn't the difficulty of the topic, but the "I can't do it" that comes before it. It's one of the most underrated effects of a good course of tutoring: when a student discovers they can do it, their attitude towards all their studying changes.

Conclusion

Emotional intelligence isn't an alternative to preparation, but what allows it to bear fruit: without the ability to manage anxiety, frustration and motivation, even talent and hard study yield less. Nurturing it in young people — through example, listening and a few good habits — is one of the most lasting educational investments. Discover how our method also puts the student's confidence and calm at the centre, not just their grades.

FAQ